is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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