At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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