remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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