I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
