oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
