haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
