You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
