well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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