i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
