his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
