I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
