So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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