if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
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Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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