Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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