Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
