Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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