OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No subtext here. People are naked.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
