I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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