all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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