I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
