Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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