the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
