I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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