You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
