well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
