Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just google imaged poop.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
