I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
