That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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