oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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