how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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