He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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