Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My balls are so social today.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
