Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
