He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
