Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
