i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
