you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
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