8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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