You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
