Im at strip club and am horny
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
