i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
