you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
