Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
