The maid of honor just puked.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
