When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
