i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
