I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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