I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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