New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
