wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
