saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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