I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
