I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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