some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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