After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
