Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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