How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
