I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
