At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
