Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
