sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
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I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
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Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize