thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Can I color on your dick again?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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