Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
