I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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