1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
