so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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