you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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