You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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